Welcome to Planet Rooney. Apart from his apparent inability to string a couple of simple sentences together (though he might just manage “two first class to Dubai, please”), the planet leader threw a hissy fit because he thought he was better than any other footballer in the world and his club was rubbish writes Shirley Tart.

Yes, yes, we know that 24 hours later, after insulting most of his fellow players and the manager, he or his agent, said nice and proper things about Manchester United and the suddenly silly Sir Alex.

Then yawn-yawn Wayne decided to stay because this was the best club and best manager in the world.

Oh and he got a pay rise, not in keeping with inflation or anything like that, but off the money Richter scale, bringing him around a quarter of a million pounds a week.

Yup! Whichever way your write it or say it, that’s the obscenity of it all. Wayne the Whine stayed because he could now see that MU and Sir A had come round to his way of loyal, committed thinking, and how sensible of them.

No he didn’t, he stayed for the money.

Money which the club (deeply in the red) was daft enough to cough up on the whim of a man who hadn’t scored (a goal that is) in the league for months, was a footballing World Cup disgrace in South Africa despite the build-up and faced yet more allegations of sleaze which he had to explain to his nice wife.

Some dafter fans are thrilled at the latest turn of events because they think he’s such a prize possession for the club.

No he’s not. He’s a plonker, albeit one with a lot of money. Yours, pal.

You who can hardly scrape the ticket price together but drool over idiots like the guy Rooney who was skulking in Dubai when he should have been (humbly) in Stoke backing his team. What a terrible, terrible culture we’ve bred.