Albrighton Hall, Shrewsbury

You know the sort of thing - the soup resembled Alsatian spittle, the beef looked as inviting as a baboon’s bum, the service made Fawlty Towers look like The Ritz, nought out of ten.

The Germans call it schadenfreude - a malicious pleasure in the misfortune of others. Revolutionary Paris about covers it - hags knitting and cackling at the foot of the guillotine as the Duke and Duchess of Burgundy mount the scaffold.

Essentially, bouquets are duller than brickbats, the more barbed the better. Conflict is the bedrock of popular culture. Television news, documentaries, sport, soaps and reality shows are laced with spite.

Think of X-Factor, Big Brother, I’m A Celebrity, Steve McClaren - producers crank up the nastiness and the ratings soar.

So you’d love me to rip into Albrighton Hall. Spluttering with rage you want me to exact revenge for an over-priced, inedible meal which ended with a scene in the car park where my wife threatened divorce for wasting her evening.

Well, sorry to disappoint but it was fantastic, superb, wonderful, ten out of ten, 100 out of 100 or, as we recommend more modestly in this publication, five out of five. In fact, the definition of perfect. How dull is that?

I can’t recommend dinner at Albrighton Hall Hotel too highly. The food, its preparation, the service, hospitality and ambience were top notch. And at £28.50 for three courses and £21.95 for two, it’s good value.

The wooden-pannelled Oak Room Restaurant provides an elegant backdrop. My wife Vanessa recalls a family anniversary party there many years ago and I can see its appeal for special occasions. There’s an air of gracious living about it that is, nevertheless, within the compass of most pockets. I can see it doing well over Christmas.

We were given a warm welcome before enjoying a two-hour treat for the tastebuds.

Vanessa started with smoked Scottish salmon with traditional garnish, which she hugely enjoyed. The salmon was fresh, delicate and melt-in-the-mouth soft.

I opted for winter vegetable broth. Had I been in need of comforting that would have done the job, as winter soups often do. It sounds a simple dish but it’s amazing how many broths are too thick or too watery. This was spot on and with a just-made freshness that lifted it.

Other starters included Italian plum tomato and Mozarella salad with sweet basil and pineapple salsa and crab artichoke and red onion parcel with wild rocket salad.

Vanessa thought about the pan fried sea bass fillet with chorizo risotto and fine beans. Eventually, though, she chose seared Cornish scallops with asparagus, cauliflower puree and crispy pancetta for her main course. It was perfectly cooked. The scallops were succulent and the flavours and textures perfectly matched.

I chopped and changed several times before I opted for roast Gressingham duck breast with pumpkin fondant, wilted spinach and roast root vegetables. The duck could not have been better - a perfect pink that tasted as tender as it looked. It was centre stage on a plate of perfectly-proportioned ingredients, all of an exceptional freshness.

For dessert I chose creme brulee, a crisp and creamy confection prepared with the the lightest of touches. The delicious shortbread biscuits provided just the right contrast of textures.

Vanessa opted for the bitter chocolate tart with chocolate chip ice-cream and creme Anglais. This was rich bordering on decadent. A delight.

The white wine was chilled to perfection and the sweet pudding wine was a great adjunct to dessert. We rounded the meal off with fresh coffee and chocolate truffles, a delicious addition at £2.95 a head.

The service was as top class as the meal. There are three types of waiter/waitress - the sort that inquires every 90 seconds whether ‘everything is okay’ even interrupting conversations to do so, the sort that ignores you entirely and the those like the waiters and waitresses at Albrighton Hall. They cater to your every need without hovering conspicuously and their bonhomie makes you feel welcome and at ease.

I love the footnote on the menu “respectfully requesting” that all mobile phones are switched off for the comfort of fellow guests. I couldn’t agree more. There’s little point in providing a period atmosphere only for the the most brainless ringtones the 21st century can conjure to provide the mood music.

My appetite was given an edge by a workout, swim and sauna in the gym of the hotel’s excellent health club and spa. Vanessa was pampered with a wonderfully relaxing aroma therapy massage.

Admittedly it’s not our usual preamble to a restaurant meal but eating at one of the region’s top country hotels cried out for an overnight stay.

It meant I didn’t have to get out the double-headed coin to flip for who drives. You can both get stuck into the wine without having to bolt down your dessert because the cab you pre-booked two days earlier, with a wildly miscalculated pick-up time, is outside front entrance with its engine running.

Our room was tastefully furnished and extremely comfortable and only having to stroll 100 yards, rather than drive 25 miles, to your front door certainly makes a refreshing change.

Hotel dining, particularly at large chain operations, can be a letdown. There can often be a clinical uniformity about what’s on offer with a result that the food is functional but unexciting. Though Albrighton Hall is part of the Mercure group, its dining experience certainly doesn’t fall into that category.

It really is a cut above. I’d certainly recommend a visit.

Yes, I know this review has been far too complimentary and that, by now, I’m almost certainly talking entirely to myself. You’ve probably gone off to watch Bruce Forsyth spar with those nasty judges on Strictly Come Dancing . . .

ADDRESS:
Albrighton Hall Hotel, Ellesmere Road, Shrewsbury.
Telephone 01939 291000

MENU SAMPLE
Starters
Chicken and Port Parfait with Apple Salad and Warm Brioche; Crab Artichoke and Red Onion Parcel with Wild Rocket Salad.

Main courses
Roast Rump of Welsh Lamb with Provencal Vegetables and Crispy Potato Rosti; Glazed Spinach and Ricotta Pancakes.

Desserts
Classic Blueberry Tart with Clotted Cream; Sticky Toffee pudding with Caramel Sauce and Vanilla Ice Cream.

ATMOSPHERE
Even with the restaurant only partially full there was a sense of occasion about the experience which greatly added to the enjoyment.

SERVICESuperb.

DISABLED FACILITIES Wide corridors, plenty of space between tables, few steps.

By Neil Thomas