The success of Gladiator has spawned a new obsession in Hollywoodland. Barely a year has passed since without some big-budget attempt to serve up a sword and sandals epic.
NEW - Check out our movie trailers section!
We’ve had the style over substance Troy, dreadfully dreary Alexander, and cheesy Kingdom of Heaven.
Now comes 300, a bloodfest with more six packs on display than your average Tesco booze aisle.
Yes, it’s nicely photographed. Yes, it uses the same combination of washed out and pastel coloured scenery which was so successful in the dark cartoon caper Sin City.
But no, it’s really not very interesting.
Gerard Butler, a one-time front runner for the James Bond role and the cinema’s most recent Phantom of the Opera, is the chief beefcake. He plays king Leonidas of Sparta, who defies the orders of his council to take 300 of the nation’s toughest warriors to the country’s border, where armies of Persians are preparing to invade.
It’s a no-win scenario - the Persians have more armoury, and thousands of men. But the brave 300 stand their ground and refuse to go quietly.
Meanwhile, back home, the poor queen (Lena Headley) is left to await news of her husband’s quest, while working on the council to persuade them to send back-up.
300 is a one-dimensional movie. There’s only so many times that you can get excited by the sight of tough guys having their limbs removed in slow motion, bloody battles. Barely 10 minutes passes without some gruesome swordsmanship.
Through it all, Butler marshals his troops with a strange part-Scottish, part-European accent - but then I suppose it worked for his countryman Sean Connery, who won an Oscar playing a New York cop with a Scottish accent!
We’re given just one brief, softly lit love scene to cement the emotional bond between king and queen. It’s not nearly enough. Our interest switches off long before the lives of kind Leonidas and his men.
It surprised me to find that of this week’s releases, I actually prefer I Want Candy, a film which filled me with the sort of dread that accompanied the latter half of the Police Academy series.
But fair’s fair, it’s a surprisingly sweet and enjoyable teen comedy set in the leafy lanes of Leatherhead. Despite the sordid subject matter - schoolchildren making blue movies - the film is more saucy than seedy, and the comedy is more Carry On than American Pie.
When Carmen Electra arrives on screen as the stereotypical porn movie queen the film sparks to life, and former EastEnders star Michelle Ryan impresses in her first big screen role.
You can see why she’s being touted as a front runner for the role of the bionic woman . . . and presumably the six million dollar salary that goes with it.
Share this article:
What are these?