I should be so lucky

This is an open letter to Kylie Minogue:

Dear Kylie,

As we reported in today’s Shropshire Star, you have split from your boyfriend Olivier Martinez. You must be devastated.

But I think I know where you are going wrong. You keep turning your attention to good looking, rich and/or talented blokes. You should stop.

Take me for example (please. Oh go on. Pretty please?) I’m am not good looking, rich or talented. And, therefore, would dote on you hand and foot.

I’ll take you to the pub (the Hen and Chickens in Shrewsbury is closed at the mo, but the Cross Foxes does a good pint, as does the Dolphin), the cinema and maybe even Coleham chippy (you can sit in or take away).

After all the reason I’m still single is that I’ve been waiting for you to see sense, It’s the only reason. It is. Honest. No, really.

So, let’s face it Kylie, you and me. Done deal. What do you say? If the answer is no, you don’t have Claire Goose’s number do you?

• David Burrows is National News Editor at the Shropshire Star.
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